Serious Sex

Sex. Ah, look at the face you made. I can see that ‘OMG-what’s-this-guy-talking-about’ expression. Yeah I can completely understand what’s going on in your mind. So why is that I’m so publicly talking about the subject we Indians are least comfortable to talk about in public and yet love the most? Let’s have a word.

The very first thing we all are scared about is uttering the word. Sex, a three lettered simple word with no silent letters. Go out and ask ten people to read it out loud. Seven of them would very awkwardly say ‘saxe’, two would just smile at you with a stupid look and one would ask you to leave all these ‘dirty’ things and read Hanuman Chalisa instead. Why? Why do we Indians scare this word so much? A nation where the rate of rapes is on a speedy rise, a nation where Sunny Leone is almost a household name, why is one small word feared so much here?

Some would speak of our values or the olden-golden traditions. But I’d say all those things are a bullshit for this nation of perverts. We all love sex. We make jokes about it, we tell our best friends how much we like it, and we also watch a lot of porn, but we get uneasy while watching a condom ad on the TV or reading about it. So what’s this thing that keeps us away from creating an open-minded perspective about sex? If we try finding the roots of this whole thing, we’d see a horrifying truth. It’s our so called traditions that makes us conservative about it. OIn simple terms, you can call it an evil cycle. People don’t talk much about sex because it’s a taboo, and it’s a taboo because we never really talk about it. So far this looks just like any other unsolved social issue in this problematic nation. So far so good. But the real problem begins here.

People have an immense desire of getting laid. And that’s not just happening in India. It’s the same all over the world. But we choose not to talk about it. We keep our desires inside our mind. So what happens next? The very obvious, a journalist gets raped in Mumbai, a college girl in Delhi or any other woman in any other part of the nation. it’s like an outburst of the secret desires. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s the real problem. The whole nation choses to suppress everything about sex. That’s where we lag behind the world. And that’s where rapes come from.

I’m not saying that talking about sex we should tell each other about our sexual fantasies. What I mean is let’s just grow more liberal about all this. When you’re buying a condom, you don’t have to stammer or hide your face. You are in fact doing a good job. It shows that you have been properly educated. And when you see a lip-lock scene on the TV while watching it with your family, you don’t always have to change the channel. It’s okay. People do smooch. So what if it’s been shown on TV? And what if you watch it with your family? Chill. It’s not porn. You know, charity begins at home. So does everything.

Then we have a retard thing called the Indian censor board. They seem to have a problem with everything. Banning things won’t take us anywhere. If you are going to treat the nation like kids and deprive them from seeing even a little sex on the screen, they are going to go and look for it off screen. I mean how on the earth can you blur the cleavage of an actress in a song? Why can’t you give it an A certificate and show it as it is?  When would we grow up? Nothing and no one would be offended by such things. If we grow liberal about talking sex and discuss it  like we discuss the prices of onions, we won’t feel shy anymore and we won’t even look at like a taboo. I mean look if you go to a nude beach and see a hundred nude women, you’d get excited about all that in the beginning. But after watching 20 pairs of boobs or so, you’d not feel anything very exciting about it. It would seem very normal and comfy. The time when we begin talking about sex normally is the time we would be an adult nation in true sense.

But the problem with us is that we refuse to talk about it. We who told the world about sex positions through kamasutra. Come on, grow up people! It’s really not a taboo if we don’t make it one. India, at this moment is like a man who has gulped a whole bottle of viagra and who refuses to masturbate because it’s ‘dirty’. That won’t be helping us. is not always bad. Know, ‘daag achche hote hain’. Let’s all begin being a little free and casual about it. I can tell you how to start.


Read this out loud and pronounce it right! 😉 


Independence Day, Irritating Songs and All That

Last week was a bit productive for me. I finally managed to make people talk against me and my thoughts. That is something now. And that did make me feel kind of good. I mean if everyone is going to agree and smile at everything I write, it would kill my enthusiasm. You know, all praise and no curse makes Jack a dull boy, on the inside of course. So here I am to explain a bit, criticize a bit and umm, clean the shit (rhymes, no?).

Okay, keeping the funny part aside, let’s look at we got here now. One status that says songs played on the road on Independence Day are irritating got a dozen people swearing at me. Some told me to shut the fuck up, some others declared that it’s a shame that I’m an Indian and some others called me sick. And after all the ambush, I’d still smile and say whatever I wrote in the status was absolutely right, and you’d feel the same if you look at things from my frame of reference.

Yes the patriotic songs are great and awesome and they do remind you of the great leaders. Cool. But does that mean you have to put up huge loudspeakers on the road and play those in an irritating and high volume? Why the hell? It’s Independence day, I can understand. You love your nation, I can understand. You want to listen to those songs, I can understand. You put up a huge loudspeaker on the road and begin playing ‘mere desh ki dharti’, no I don’t understand, please explain. Then you’d wrongly argue that everyone should listen to these songs at-least once. Grow up bud. People have music players in their phones, they got radios and TVs. They can listen it in a peaceful, bearable volume. You don’t have to do that for them.  And yet, what if someone doesn’t want to listen to those songs? What if I’m in a mood to listen to Eminem? I have all the rights to do what I want right? Come on, we are celebrating our ‘independence’. And if you’d want someone to stop enjoying a song they want to listen on this very day, I must ask, what’s the day you said you were celebrating? Now, can you see that contradiction? Why is that? It’s because we’re faking it.

And anyway, what’s the point if you are going to play those songs strictly only on two days of the whole year? Republic day, Independence day and to hell with all that till the next Republic day shows up. That’s how it works in the whole nation, doesn’t it? So why this show off? Just to show others how patriot you are? And in fact, is that how you measure your patriotism? It isn’t patriotism when a bomb-blast kills people in Delhi and all you’re  concerned about is how to get Hardwell’s Mumbai concert passes. You are not a patriot if you scroll to the news about Rooney’s right ankle and ignore the Prime Minister’s take on our relations with Pakistan. Putting up a photo of the Indian flag on whatsapp and writing a status like ‘proud to be an Indian’ on Independence day doesn’t really make you look at patriotic, it rather looks funny and stupid. And so is listening to all those songs on such days.

The whole point is, whatever you do, make sure it’s honest. Grow responsible, and know your duties towards your country. One last word, don’t be a proud Indian, rather make India proud of you. All the best with all that.

A Nation of Protests and Posers

So they banned an IPS officer. Yeah, I know it’s kind of stale news now. Everyone knows about it, everyone has talked about it, everyone has protested for it,  and someone even filed a PIL about it, so what’s it that I’m going to tell? and that too, after such a long, long time? well I’m going to talk about what happened next and what always will.

So tell me, what’s so huge about this? Yeah, I’m asking you. ‘Durga ki shakti wapis do’, that’s what all of you have been screaming right? Banning one woman IPS officer causes so much of stir, why? I’ll tell you the perfect reason. It is because we live in a nation called India where we need to fool ourselves every six months by talking about something that is unjust. We love to protest. It gives us a feeling that we are doing things to change the nation. It gives us a feeling that we are doing something for the betterment of the whole system. You know who we are? We are selfish people. No, let me correct that, we are selfish fools. We only care about this mirage of being a vibrant nation that doesn’t really tolerate injustice.

Remember December 2012? A girl was raped in Delhi. Yeah, that was brutal. She died later. We protested. People were angry. We burnt candles and walked on the roads in whites. We showed off, you remember? Back then, I had written about it and many people seemed to agree. Then they forgot it altogether. That’s us. That’s India. Many women are raped in the nation everyday. Some people make dumb surveys and tell us that every 5 minutes, 3 women are raped in the nation. The ratio maybe higher now, which technically means that as you are reading this, somewhere in this country, a woman is being raped. Now look at yourself in the mirror! Your face reads, ‘so what can we do? And how?’ That’s what I’m talking about. We question a lot rather than finding the right answers. We aren’t really concerned about what happens around us everyday. We need such things just so that we can protest about it once in a while and show each other that we care.

And that is why I’m really not interested in speaking over a banned IPS officer. She was doing things to protect the law, good. Then her state government banned her. So what? There are many such officers who face the same things, sometimes it’s even worse. Then why did you all pick up this one to stand for? I’ll tell you why. It’s because one, she is a woman officer which got the women’s rights activists interested in the matter, two, she was working in Uttar Pradesh which is ruled by a mob of goons, this got the Congress interested in it because they have been wanting to pull down the Akhilesh Yadav government since a long time, three, it has been a long time since we have protested about something, which finally got the masses interested in it. Well, that’s the great Indian story of protest.

What needs to be changed is this. Yes, exactly this.You don’t have to cry against injustice or protest about it. Instead, take care that the law is never broken. The worst thing that we possess at this moment is that everything we have is fake. Our deeds, our words, the government, and all of us as a nation. We are faking it.

And yet there are a few people who try fighting against these evils honestly. They really want justice, but they don’t know how it’s gained, they are just agitated, clueless people. Then they see others protesting and believing in this system of protests, they join in. Years pass by and one day they realize that the protests won’t bring any fruits no matter how much they scream and shout. But by that time, it’s too late. Too late to back down and begin fighting in some other manner. They have already developed this habit of protesting. And when they go out in whites carrying banners after this realization, a new bunch of posers is born. Call it a bit exaggerated or something but then, that’s the plain truth and that’s how it happens.

I don’t know when would all these protests and fights end but I do hope that it happens soon. I would be glad to see the day when India stops fighting injustice. Because unless we stop fighting, we won’t really concentrate on protecting the laws.

Call me crazy or anything you want, but know that fighting shouldn’t be our word anymore. We have seen enough protests and forgotten a lot many. Don’t you think it’s time to do something different? Well, I do. Of course I won’t expect you to go in total agreement with every word I said, but I gave my shot at it. That’s what I think and that’s what many of us do. So let’s try this keep away those white clothes, shove off the candles. Instead sit home, drink coffee and protect your rights.

One last word, posers suck. Don’t be one. 😉