There are many people in the world. I know that you know that and it is probably very stupid to stat a fact as obvious as that. And yet I’d repeat, there are many people in the world and they have their many minds from which erupt their many thoughts of which many are stupid which is the precise reason why you tolerate my statements of obvious facts than reading their thoughts. Out of those many mortals God created, only He knows why, one happens to be Neha, my girlfriend.
She has been doing and saying stupid things since I know her which includes mixing coke in beer and telling me, “I finished a bottle of a whiskey named Corona.” But I’ll tell you about it some other time. I have never written what and how she thinks because she gets pissed very quickly but what she asked me to do last week was so crazy that for a moment I was fooled into believing that she was actually a genius and that’s why, regardless of her getting pissed, I’m tempted to share her genius thought.
Last week she bought a puppy which is a cross breed between a German Shepherd and a Labrador. She is obsessed with the dog like she was obsessed with me in the early days of our relationship. So after telling me how she liked it that the qualities of two dog breeds were unified in one dog, she said, “Shivraj, can you do something for me?” that’s a rhetorical question cum an assertive sentence. I have been doing things for her and because of her since a long time. So I thought what the hell, let’s do this as well.
“Sure”, I said.
“Can you put your semen on a bunch of mosquitoes?” she asked.
I couldn’t figure out if she was being kinky, or asking me to perform the most unusual orgy in the world or if it was some dangerous ritual from South Africa where there were a lot of mosquitoes.
“What?” I could barely mutter.
“It’s completely biological. I was wondering if we can create a mosquito with some human features. Like a cross breed. Practically, a mosquito is completely naked, so when you drop your semen on it, there are chances that it might reach the mosquitoes reproductive system and when it lays it’s next eggs and hatches them, we can see if our project worked and try it on bigger animals. We could create a new world of new organisms!” she said in an excited tone.
The idea was so bizarre that beyond getting pissed and angry at her stupidity, the only thing I could speak out was, “But why a bunch of mosquitoes?”
“Oh, just in case you drop it on a male mosquito, the project won’t work. But if you drop your semen on a bunch of mosquitoes, there are high chances that we mind find a girl for you in the gang”, she winked.
I’m tired of this girl. Seriously.