An underwear maybe? But nope, that’s not what we’re talking about here. I mean technically yes, an underwear is all it takes because an underwear to your penis is what a nest is to a bird – home. But no, we don’t do technical things on this blog, we do subtle. Now technically subtle isn’t quite the opposite of technical but what the fuck, you got my point, so let’s get to the next.
First off, this article is for men and therefore, if you technically don’t feel two balls and dick dangling between your legs when you walk, this isn’t for you. And yet, if you want to read on, it won’t really hurt. Perhaps you could alter some stuff from this post and rewrite it as “What Does It Take To Keep a Penis Outside Your Pants?” on your blog and be famous like that blonde with moderately big boobs from Sex and The City who whored around and justified her whoring on her blog. So man or woman, you have something in this post for you.
Now, to begin with, I’m not sure how many men would really want to keep their penis in their pants because if it isn’t in your pants, it technically means you’re either pissing or scoring chicks. But we don’t do technical on this blog which is why it, by default, almost always means you’re scoring chicks. So is scoring chicks bad? Nope. It is, in fact, the single-most satisfying thing a single homo sapiens with the XY chromosome (and the XX chromosome too if you consider a little alteration in tastes and a strapon) can do. So why am I telling you this? Well, see I have a friend named Vardhan Patkar (you can find his photo here.) who once upon a time, liked scoring chicks and since I knew that he was doing the single-most satisfying thing an adult male human being can do, I was happy for him. However after some time and a lot of chicks, he decided that he was done with the whole hogging on whores thing and that he needed to settle down. And so he found a girl worth settling down and indeed settled down with her. Things were going merry and fine in the Settleland until one day, he woke up with a boner that was so tall that it reached his brain and messed with it because of which, he suddenly wanted other chicks outside the relationship. And so, he banged and banged and then banged a little more until one day he realized that now, he only wanted to bang. Of course this resulted in his relationship going to the gallows and he wanted it back but Karma said “Not happening bruh.” And I was a very close witness to all of this (one time I was even on the same bed where he was scoring a chick but I’ll tell you about that another time) and it has therefore brought me this far, and coaxed me to write an article titled “What Should You Do To Keep Your Penis in Your Pants?”
Look when you’re in a relationship, it sometimes gets tough to stay off the temptation of getting your hands on some hot chick, because you know that you don’t have to get involved here and after three minutes (or whatever amount of time you require to ejaculate) you can even forget her name and she won’t be mad. But that is the real test. There are hundreds, perhaps even thousands of hot women all around you and the world has gotten so closely knit that it isn’t really tough for you to get in the pants of one of those women. To bang, it’s easy. You only have to be smooth to get her in your bedroom. You can even hide it from your girlfriend and everyone gets to stay happy. Perhaps you can even do it more often then. But is it worth it? The feeling that your girlfriend loves you with all her heart but you’re still cheating on her takes its toll someday. Even if she never finds out, the guilt keeps gnawing at you and someday you feel pretty helpless and then you end up believing that perhaps love is just not your thing. Don’t let that happen. Definitely not if you’re in a relationship that is fulfilling and makes you feel complete. You always have a goddamn choice.
Consider this: You’re in a hotel room and a girl wearing nothing but a loose unbuttoned shirt is lying in the bed, giggling and inviting you to do her and yet, regardless of the many million voices inside your head that are encouraging you to do her, you listen to that one weak but sane voice that says “Get the fuck out of here.” And then, at that moment, if you really walk out, there is nothing that can match that victorious feeling. That feeling of having overcome a temptation and having chosen the right thing, there is nothing that can make you believe in yourself and your relationship better than that. And this is worth all the eighty nine lakh sixty six thousand five hundred and forty three hot chicks in the world, including Kate Upton (kidding there, if its Kate Upton, it’s always an exception).
And this is only “Why Should You Keep Your Penis in Your Pants?” and since the why is pretty substantial, I believe you might not hesitate to do whatever it takes for it. So yes, that’s about it. And as for the title, what does it take to keep your penis in your pants? Some faith, a little courage and a cartload of fapping. All the best bruh.
Also, if you’re a single guy, forget it.