I love to procrastinate. But that’s like saying I love boobs – everybody does. And so I figured out and presumed that you might love to procrastinate too and so I also presumed that you’d like to know how to procrastinate things without taking any blame because blame is like the penis of a shemale. Who wants to take it? Not me.
So here is how I experimented and found out the ultimate formula of procrastinating.
Step 1: Fall in love with a girl who has never been to Goa.
Step 2: Continue loving her.
Step 3: Continue. Patience is the key to success.
Step 4: By now, it’s your birthday. If it isn’t, you’re going to have to use some more patience.
Step 5: At least by now it’s your birthday. Hallelujah. Ask your girlfriend to plan a trip at some faraway place for your birthday.
Step 6: She will plan a trip to Goa because she hasn’t been there, but if she has other places on her list, drop subtle hints like “I want to go to Goa”, or “Let’s go Goa.” Or “Goa, Goa, Goa.”
Step 7: Go on the trip and eat good food and have fun.
Step 8: Go to Morjim beach and play in the sea for three hours. A lot of fine sand will go inside your ears with the water.
Step 9: Go back to your hotel and try to poke ear buds in your ear until it begins to hurt.
Step 10: Call off the trip, go home and see a doctor.
Step 11: Put the prescribed ear drops in your ears and swallow the prescribed meds and cover your ear with cotton plugs.
Step 12: If anyone asks you to do something, don’t fucking do it.
Step 13: If they ask you why you didn’t do the work tell them the story of your ears. If they say “Ohh I didn’t know that”, reply with “It’s okay. Happens.”
Step 14: Smirk and continue watching porn on your laptop.
That’s about it folks.