How Shit-Headed Pakistan Is: An Analysis Based On Sharif’s Phone Call With Trump

I don’t generally write political posts because it is too much work. You have to find out who said what and quote their fucking words, and then find out what others think about it and then formulate your own opinions and present them in such a manner that they would sound original although they are fucking replicas of what some senior journalist from CNN or BBC thinks. With respect to that, it is a lot easier to write about loser Bengali women in your office who have eaten so many roshgullas in their lives, they have begun looking like roshgullas and who, due to lack of a relationship, which in turn is because of their round faces and rounder bellies, have settled for virtually blowing the City Editor. I’ll definitely tell you about those bitches some time. Not today though, because today I want to talk something political.

So while I was working on something related to Donald Trump and Nawaz Sharif in the office this morning, I realized it was shit enough to be here. And now when I come to think about it, I realize that it isn’t even political really. It is shitty as fuck. If nations had visible brains, Pakistan’s would still be invisible. What would instead be visible is a large dick because that is where they generate their ideas from. I am not saying this out of hatred for them but they keep doing stupid fucking things – an old habit  that began right when Jinnah asked for a separate nation and has continued all along until today. This time around, it is the transcript of their Prime Minister’s phone call with Trump that has again shown that Sharif’s parents were probably playing football with his fucking brain when he was born.  Not going into too much detail, what happened was Trump decided it was a good time to call random fuckers from around the world and tell them how terrific they are. In this long list of people, one person was Pakistan’s PM Nawaz Sharif. Trump called Sharif and told him a bunch of fake things that Sharif was dick enough to believe and pass on to the media. The transcript which was thus released, quotes Trump, quotes the details, and according what Trump’s inner circle has accused, also grossly overstates the conversation.

Quoting Trump? Dickiest Move Ever.

While it can be understood that you want to show the world how America has agreed to make you one of its side bitches whom it can drill for other things than oil when Iraq is being an unyielding hoe, it cannot be understood why you would disclose what a leader of another nation has told a leader of your nation. Such a thing goes against the protocol because according to unsaid rules, you can definitely quote what the leader of your country has said but should positively avoid quoting a foreign leader’s words on a private phone call for the sake of, if nothing else, dignity.

Quoting Details? Dickier than the Dickiest.

When you make a dick move like that, the next immediate thing you do is damage control. What Pakistan did was they became dickier by stating the minutest details of the call. They quoted Trump saying, “You (Sharif) are a terrific guy. You are doing amazing work which is visible in every way. I am looking forward to see you soon. As I am talking to you Prime Minister, I feel I am talking to a person I have known for long.”

You do NOT FUCKING DO THAT. Trump may wish your wife to have a triplet the next time she’s pregnant or he may tell you that he feels like he knows you for long because you were his sperm which fertilized your mother’s fucking egg. It may be literally any fucking thing. You DO NOT QUOTE THINGS LIKE THAT, PAKISTAN.

Overplaying It? Okay Now Seriously, What Do You Eat for Breakfast? Dick Salads?

Even if you shit more than a ward full of diarrhea on the next day of some regional mutton fest, you should know enough to not overplay it. According to some of Trump’s close associates, the transcript released by Pakistan is exaggerated to quite some extent. This really beats my fucking wits. My editor doesn’t even let me alter the words of someone as much a choot as KRK because that is not only against media rules, it is against all fucking human rules in the world unless you are a villain woman in a Hindi serial trying to break a large family by telling some other woman what some yet other woman said about her red saree (because men generally don’t  give a fuck and they’re not important in serials anyway). And this isn’t even KRK. IT IS A FUCKING INTERNATIONAL LEADER YOU ARE QUOTING. YOU DO NOT PUT YOUR FUCKING WORDS IN HIS MOUTH NO FUCKING MATTER WHAT.

When it comes to politics, I am not exactly the sharpest tool in the shade and yet, if someone as fucking dim-witted as me can understand this, why can’t you Pakistan?

A lot milder version of this article has previously been published on Postpickle.