Why is The Sedition Charge in JNU Justifiable and Necessary?

I’m not a Hindu extremist, which means apart from not asking my children to not celebrate the Valentine’s Day because it isn’t fit for our culture’, I won’t ever be one of the many enthusiasts equipped with a napkin who would wipe the ass of any political party driven by Hinduism every time it takes a dump. Having said that, I would now assert that I am a nationalist. It is likely to confuse you a bit because a major percentage of India’s young writers and thinkers seem driven by a belief in the fact that supporting any cause that is against the government or protests against its actions and demands justice will eventually make them look politically sound and more importantly, pro-human rights, which in turn has made them write in a manner that has merged the picture of an Indian nationalist and a Hindu extremist completely and which has since then reflected this merged picture as that of a ‘Hindu Nationalist.’ However these two entities are entirely exclusive of each other and therefore when I say I’m a nationalist, I want you to read it without any prefix.

Since Kanhaiya Kumar, the president of the JNU Students Union was charged and arrested for anti-nationalist activities that mainly included protesting against the prosecution of Afzal Guru, a lot has happened in Delhi and a lot of people have raised their voices against it. The orientation of these voices is in many directions but primarily, while some are protesting because the motive behind his protest was accurate, some others who may not agree with that particular idea are protesting because it is against democracy and damages a person’s freedom of speech. I must agree that the argument here point on. If a government arrests a particular person for voicing his opinion, it sure is a damaging act to both – the democracy and the person’s freedom of speech. However in a situation like this, where the temerity of the speech goes on rising just because the democracy is lenient and allows it to rise, and goes beyond a certain level where it can become a reason to provoke anarchy, I wonder if freedom of speech still remains a right or does it become a privilege that has been misused? As a writer and a person who finds freedom of speech a basic right, it hurts me to call any kind of freedom a privilege but in cases as such, it becomes essential and just the right thing to do.

When a person is charged for a terrorist activity which precisely happens to be a violent attack on the nation’s parliament and after an imprisonment of 12 years – a time span in which no evidence of his complete innocence is found or collected in his defence, I believe he can rightly be declared as an enemy of the nation. And any enemy of the nation who tries to thwart the peace of its people rightly deserves a death penalty. I don’t think anyone would want to conflict with this idea. And further, that is what exactly happened in the case of Afzal Guru. Many Muslim Kashmiris believe that he was a hero, a martyr. The intensity of their words honestly keeps me from calling him a villain because I respect their opinions, however I won’t hesitate to say that Afzal Guru was an antagonist. In that respect, he was rightly sentenced to die for that would safeguard the conscience of the nation and I don’t think anyone would disagree with the fact that no individual is at any point of time, greater than the nation. That’s my stance about Afzal Guru’s death.

Now, when we come to think of the arrest of Kanhaiya Kumar, the president of the JNU Students’ Union, for protesting against this very death penalty of Afzal Guru, I would repeat and ask you, how much of his protest looks like an act under freedom and how much of it looks like the misuse of a privilege? While reading about this incident in the newspapers, I came across a statement by Kanhaiya Kumar’s father in which he had asserted that his son wasn’t an anti-nationalist, but only a leftist. It was funny because the term leftist covers a wide segment of ideologies and as much as it represents communists, it also as much represents anarchists and Kanhaiya Kumar’s protest indeed seemed to be fuelled with some kind of anarchic motives, if it wasn’t for just instant popularity. And that exactly is the biggest tragedy of any democracy. Due to the wide freedom it imparts, a democracy knowingly and sometimes even helplessly, boosts speeches and expressions that are a threat to its own subjects. In such cases I wonder if democracy should continue playing by its rules or not. Sometimes, to crush anarchy, a democracy requires to be reckless, restricting and even suppressive. And if that is going to safeguard and guarantee peace and order, as a nationalist, I believe that is the exact thing a democracy should do in such times – not because it is right, but because it is necessary.

Morphed

There is anguish in my heart, and agony too

As I sit here and brood

and see cigarettes after cigarettes after cigarettes burn

In the quest of something crude.

There is agony of what I am doing to myself ;

Blinded by smoke, crying,

and there is agony also of what I seek.

For I put up a facade, a farce

To show them who I am not

To show what I am not.

It hurts me and breaks me for what looks like living is

in its truest essence, nothing but misery – a shallow attempt to feed the sheep what isn’t hay.

To make them believe that there is something better than them that exists,

when reality is sheep and sheep only – their myriad heads flocked and huddled around some men and some women;

and more sheep who are wolves within, who wear the man’s skin – like I do and try to feast on the beliefs of their comrades and die in such beliefs with bald heads and Buddhist shirts and the sheep sing hymns when they die and that is what their life is – endless agony, endless anguish, endless misery – just the kind I bear in my heart.

For I am a wolf, just not the real one.

I am morphed – bits of this and bits of that but whole of none and it hurts me to see what I have collected in these 24 years – twigs and crowns of dried leaves and sad, fallen glory.

But I cannot stop. For like a woman said, it is like a disease. It will take me in its quest, and in which has also risen mine.

And so, even as my hand trembles and my throat hurts, the cigarettes burn.

Does He Die?

Isha asked that. Well practically everyone dies at some point unless you are a jellyfish, you heartless lucky fuck. And since everyone does, the answer to that question should be a yes regardless of whom the pronoun refers to. So I wouldn’t mind, if while walking on the streets, Isha points out random strangers to me and asks me if they’re going to die. I’d confirm their deaths, because death is the ultimate truth.

What I mind, however, is the fact that this question generally comes when we’re watching a movie. Any random motherfucking movie. Last Friday, she tried to make me sit through an animated movie despite knowing well that I hate animated movies. Unless they’re featured on PornHub. But anyway, forty minutes into this movie about a girl and some machinery in her head which was bigger than most industries, it crashed and wouldn’t play an further and I hope Isha takes that as a lesson on what happens when you try to push a movie down someone’s throat when they are really not ‘into it’.

So since she tried showing me her favorite movie, I decided to make her watch Pulp Fiction the next day because it is my favourite. And it is not like Isha ‘wasn’t into it’. She loves crime. At the very opening scene, she was like, “Wow they are so smart, they’re robbing a restaurant”, and went on about it for a couple of minutes but I did not mind that. However, soon as she saw Vince and Jules loading their guns, she had the same question for every new character on the screen: Does he die?

So just to tackle the question and let her enjoy the movie, I told her that Brett doesn’t die. You would think, hey that’s a smart move man, win-win. But nope. When Brett actually died, I had to face the conversation which other boyfriends generally face when they cheat in the relationship and begin seeing someone else and get caught . It began with: “Why did you lie? You could have just told me.” So then, to avoid such further situations, I told her already that Vince would die, on which I got an “Oh no! He seemed nice! Why did they kill him? When is that scene coming?”

At this point I was pretty pissed so I just sort of gave up and asked her to watch the movie on her terms. This resulted in eighty six re-runs of the scene where Vince stabs Mia Wallace’s heart. I even caught Isha enacting the stabbing motion while looking at Vincent Vega do it. So thanks, I am never going to overdose on cocaine in all my fucking life. Once the movie was over, I asked her whose acting she liked the best and I shit you not, she said, “That guy in the shop who chains the big fat man and the Die Hard guy.” Yep, Maynard.  On asking why his acting was the best, she said that she thought his expressions were very real and convincing when he stood looking at the cop anally raping the fat black man.

Also, a couple of days later, I asked if she wanted to watch The Truman Show and told her the plot beforehand. She watched the whole movie quietly sure, but when it was over, she said, “I would have enjoyed it more had you not told me everything already.” Sigh.

umathurman

Because I love her. Uma Thurman, I mean. Also, Isha. Of course. This is getting confusing.

“Marathi People Are Racists.”

No, I didn’t say that. And I wouldn’t, ever.

When I was a kid, I used to visit my grandmother with my mom and pretend playing with an imaginary white car while both of them talked. My agenda was always the same – listening to what they talk about. Pretty much like the narrator from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. So once, when my maternal uncle wanted to know what his sister and mother, that is my mother and grandmother, respectively, talk about him, he summoned me. I believe he was largely interested in this specific conversation because he was worried that granny wouldn’t leave him anything and give everything to my mother, but the joke’s on him because he got all and my mom received an old alarm clock and a book on learning Russian. It was probably my grandmother’s way of saying “Use your time wisely. You still have plenty of it to go to Russia and become peasants.” Or I think so. So anyway, he asked me what they talked about him and I swear, had I demanded a fucking yatch in exchange of the information, he would have delivered. But being the cheap fuck that I am, I asked for five Boomers. For five Boomers, I enacted how my grandmother made faces while talking about him and to make it sound more interesting, threw in a few imaginary dialogues as well. Then I also told him how I thought both of them were bad. This led to a shit-storm in the family and my mother went all Mike Tyson on me for a week, so much that my cheeks swell and other kids at the school thought I had grown unusually fat.

The reason I told you this story is, it was my first and final lesson about how to not bad-mouth your home, family or community, ever. Especially when they tolerate your imaginary car games. I would, therefore, never say anything bad about Marathi people, even if it is true. That being said, it brings us to the basic question – Who said it? Manoj did. I don’t blame you if you don’t know Manoj because you did not choose to live in a house with two flatmates, two cats of Schrodinger (they are and they aren’t ) and a dead body. I did, and Manoj shares these premises with me. So yesterday, our electricity was cut off, thanks to the wise decision of the previous residents to not pay the bills for four months thinking that the state electricity board would just not notice.

So while I was planning to sleazily take advantage of the dark and masturbate, Manoj called me to go with him to the electricity office. It’s not nice to hear a guy’s voice halfway through the process, but since electricity was also important, I zipped up and went with him. Of course, after washing my hands. The journey was partially nice because it involved me asking Manoj all kinds of questions like whose bike is this, how is it with you, why did you come home early today and should we find a new maid. Once at the electricity office, we met a guy who was half as intrusive as me because he asked us why we were there and also asserted that the office was now closed. We spoke in Hindi. On understanding our problem, he said, “I am sorry, but the staff has gone home. I don’t think it would be possible to reconnect your electricity tonight.” I heard it pretty clearly, but Manoj heard something that could, for the sake of convenience, be translated to, “You’re going to burn to a crisp on this summer night and I am just going to sit here with chips and a salsa dip and enjoy your slow death because you are a North Indian staying in Pune who doesn’t know shit about Marathi, which apart from being our language, also happens to be our basic criteria to decide if we should reconnect someone’s electricity or not. Fuck you, sir.”

So after much persuasion from Manoj to bribe that guy with my ‘ethnicity’, I proceeded to talk to him in Marathi. When he learnt that I was from Kolhapur, he got off his bike and while I was preparing to run because of the forthcoming assault, he said, “I will come and fix it right away.” Then, he personally walked to our place and reconnected the electricity. In Goa, such a candid confession about my hometown would have led to the electrocution of both Manoj and me, but I guess things work differently in Pune.

So anyway, we thanked him, and when he asked Manoj about his hometown, instead of Delhi, Manoj said, “Rajasthan”, because according to him, Marathi people hate Delhi blokes the most. So then, after the electricity guy had left, Manoj said, “Marathi people are racists.” But that’s not true because as a Marathi, I don’t hate anyone except Sindhis. But then, who doesn’t?

What It Is Like To Stay in Koregaon Park?

If metaphysical activities were considered equivalents of physical activities, it would mean two things:

  1. Jesus was real.
  2. I have gotten more blowjobs in the last month than all of you put together.

This assertion is based on the fact that since I have shifted to Koregaon Park, I have found an immense change in the way people perceive my habitat. When I was in Baner, people used to look at me in sympathy like I was living in some old-age home (which is true because Baner is full of 68-year-old Brahmin women with scornful looks who stab you with their elbows on the footpath and believe that if there is anything purer and more chaste than them, it is their own version two hours later when they’re leaving the Bhajan-hall). Back then, I felt sad about myself because I thought I was missing out on things that people do in ‘all those happening places’. Then somehow, after house hunting for four months and getting my testicles touched in inappropriate manners by men twice, I finally found a decent place in Koregaon Park. One of the perks of staying in this place is that we have two refrigerators here, of which one is not working. So I am planning to buy a fake human head from Amazon (honestly, a real one would also do but I hate having to deal with rotting cartilage), and put it in the non-working fridge and whenever someone comes over whom I dislike (generally, all people who do not pay the rent of the place), I can point at the non-working fridge and tell them to ‘make themselves home, open the fridge and chug a beer maybe’. I’d love to see how that works.

But anyway, the subject of interest today, is people sucking my phallus in a metaphysical manner. It generally happens over conversations, which go like this:

Them: So where do you stay?

Me: Koregaon Park.

Them: Oh, where in Koregaon Park? (At this point they’re really hoping that I either stay in Keshav Nagar or Mundhwa, which are adjoining areas made for people who want to stay in Koregaon Park but haven’t gotten their testicles touched, thus getting disqualified).

Me: North Main Road.

Them: *Proceed to virtually fall on their knees and open their mouths*

I don’t get this obsession. One of my friends has told me that since I live in the place he has always wanted to live in, he is going to occupy my living room free of cost because one time, five years ago, he had let me use his father’s office for making joints, most of which he had smoked. In eternal dread, I still await the day when he comes with his six bags of meth. On another occasion, a friend said, “Wah wah wah wah wah, KP! Awesome!”

Like bitch what’s awesome, I am paying 1800 bucks for a normal fucking gas cylinder and 3000 bucks to a woman who ‘claims’ that she cleans my house.

My office colleagues told me that I would get laid more frequently than ever, since I now stay in Koregaon Park. This is how that conversation went:

Them: You’re going to get laid!

Me: How?

Them: You stay in Koregaon Park man!

Me: How is that relevant to me scoring chicks?

Them (excitement intensified at this point): You stay in KP maaaaan!

Me: But I am just going to go to work and then go home. Wouldn’t try to socialize with anyone, so no chance. Is there any other way I can possibly get laid? Nope.

Them (on the verge of hysteria): You stay in KP duuuuuuuudeeeeee!!

To all such people who have metaphysically choked on my dick (I like to repeat that because I have never gotten a real blowjob, bear with me please), I want to say a few things:

  • It isn’t Las Vegas.
  • No, girls don’t pick you up from the streets because you happen to be a male born in the homo sapiens species.
  • Most of the area is occupied by Rajasthani grocery store owners whose looks would never give you a boner.
  • The only time I felt some sexual energy on the street was when I accidentally opened Google Chrome in my phone to see a porn video in progress.
  • Yes, that stuff about homosexual men roaming around with unleashed libido is true. They’re everywhere, I once got touched and I won’t stop talking about it until the end of time.
meta

This was the eighth  search result when I Googled for images of ‘metaphysical blowjobs’. Not sure what this means.

Roommate Diaries: My Chronicles With a Dead Body, a Gay God and Clogged Bathrooms

I’ve never really stayed with a roommate. So, last Sunday, when I finally moved in a place that has two cats, two flat-mates and one dead body lying on the couch in the living room (no kidding, I have pictures), I knew it was the beginning of a new chapter in my life. The experience so far, has been nothing short of awesful (which means it had the potential to be awesome, but it became awful) all along and so, I thought of sharing it with you because no one else in interested in listening to my shit anyway.

Nudity

On the very first day, my roommate said, “I hope you don’t mind it, but I kind of like to sleep half-naked.”

“What?” I asked.

I mean even I like to pat my testicles before sleeping, and you can have any fantasies including licking a goat’s butthole you Welsh fuck, but hey, isn’t that something to be done privately? When you can afford a room without a roommate?

“I sleep half-naked every night. I hope that isn’t a problem”, he repeated.

Now here, we sleep on a double bed, because that’s what the landlord has given us. And I have never slept on the same bed with a half-naked body unless there were boobs attached to it. Of course it is a problem!

So I tried to protest by making a face, but he looked at me with so much conviction, let’s just say, I have since slept on the same bed with a half-naked body that doesn’t have any boobs on it.

Hair

No, not the pubic ones. Although I did suspect that for a while because hey, what other kind of hair clog the bathroom drain-hole when you’re not sharing it with a girl? This was more of a mystery because my roommate is almost bald. His hair is like the Spartans. They are persistent and wouldn’t perish, but they’re only 300. I’ll tell you about it some other time though.

So anyway, these hair kept clogging the drain and one day, when I found that their existence was making it difficult for me to get the soapy water and other white liquids (hint: reaaaaaallllyy white) down the drain, I shouted in irritation like a complete bitch. Turns out the hair belonged to the dead body in the hall. It could also bathe and shed hair.

But since you can’t wake the dead unless you’re a fucking God or something, I did not venture asking it. Although I once tried to poke it with a stick, but there was a cat in his bed which growled at me, so I kind of gave up.

Weird Shampoo

So I was bathing the other day (isn’t it uncanny how most of the things happen in the bathroom?), and with a face full of soapy foam, I tried grabbing the shampoo bottle. Since this wasn’t exactly a task that would require metahuman skills and agility, I managed to grab it easily. However, when I put it on my head, it smelled kind of different. It was nice, to be honest, but felt a little feminine. So I washed my head off in the joy of having used someone else’s product and decided to buy it for myself as well. When I finally saw the bottle though, I learnt that it smelled feminine and different because it wasn’t a fucking shampoo at all. It was a fucking vaginal gel that the old tenant’s girlfriend had left behind.

So what did I do? Let’s just say, my hair smell the same way every time I take a shower since. It’s a nice smell, told ya.

Bedsheet Shopping

So the other day, my roommate asked me if I wanted to go bedsheet shopping with him because the ones in our room were old (the landlord is a fucking asshole). Now I don’t know how would your girlfriend perceive it, but if Isha knew that I was going bedsheet shopping with someone else, she would probably hang me upside down, skin me alive, and then kill me by making me asphyxiate on the smoke of the bedsheets burning beneath me. I pictured that and immediately refused the prospect. But that resulted in my roommate making faces.

“We need to buy new bedsheets”, he said with a duckface.

It scared the shit out of me because I am commitment phobic when it comes to people of the same sex as me, and it has just been three days when this guy is trying to establish something like ‘we’. Not that I could do much even if he force-established it, because he is a 6-feet tall, kind of bald, big-bearded guy. I am a mere average human.

So I told this problem to a colleague the next day in office and she got me bedsheets from her home. So far the gay-god seems satisfied with the offering of the bedsheets. But if something else comes up, I’ll keep you posted.

Also, as a bonus for reading this article till the end, here is the picture of the dead body in the living room.

WhatsApp Image 2017-05-18 at 8.06.02 PM

Do I Look Like A Slut?

No, I’m not a 23-year-old woman trying to tell you how someone on the road looked at me inappropriately, so if you’re a Feminazi, go fuck yourself. If you’re not, go fuck yourself regardless because masturbation, my friend, is good way to keep you libido in control and avoid touching some random guy’s testicles, which by the way also happens to be our subject today. In hindsight, “Are My Testicles Worth Touching?” can also be a good title, but most of you haven’t been lucky enough to see my nutsack and wouldn’t be able to answer that so let’s stick to ‘Do I Look Like a Slut?’

This question arose because of a rather funny situation that I was caught in. I have been house-hunting since a couple of months. Last week was no different. I had been to Koregaon Park to look at a flat that I found through a broker. So this broker told me to wait near a medical shop from where he would pick me up and show me the place. So, I obliged and while I was standing there, sure enough a guy came and asked me to hop on his bike. And I did. Wrongest fucking move ever. If I knew that he asked me to hop on his bike in the anticipation that I would let him hop on my dick later, I would have hid my penis in a mountain far, far away with eight curses on anyone who would so much as even think about climbing that mountain to eventually climb on my phallus. But since I didn’t know it, I hopped on that bike and he drove me (trying to avoid the word ‘rode’ here for obvious reasons) to some fucked up shady road and I was wondering where the place is when he literally put his hand behind and touched my fucking balls. Now I am homophobic to be honest, but in all my phobia, I still thought this was an accident, shit happens man, But then, he literally fondled my left testicle and I swear I’ll keep feeling dirty about it until I wash both my balls with the holiest waters of Ganga. So anyway, I am thinking ‘what the fuck’, when my broker calls me and says, “Hey man, I am at the medical store. Where are you?” I still thank my forefathers for all the good deeds they did, the power of which compelled the guy to stop the bike when I asked him to stop and saved my penis from going in the wrong mouth covered with facial hair.

I was obviously freaked out. But if there was a more prominent feeling, it was embarrassment. I was embarrassed that someone took me for a gay hooker. I mean, at least acknowledge my XY chromosomes and consider me a straight hooker, if not a hooker at all.

So anyway, I called Isha and told her all about it and asked her f I looked like a gay hooker. She laughed and her exact words were: “You stand a little bit like a woman, so I wouldn’t be surprised.” Believe me when I say this, your girlfriend thinking there’s nothing wrong with people mistaking you for a gay slut is the worst thing that can happen to you, unless you’re actually a gay slut. In that case, you’re lucky. And your balls are unholy.

Honestly, I don’t think I look like a slut because I dress full, if not well, I don’t wear gaudy lipsticks and I don’t show my bust, because on that front, I cannot even compete Sonam Kapoor. If you know me personally, and if you’re not Isha, you’d vouch for this. I know this because I’ve been a cunt, a dick, an asshole and all the other sexual organs you can think of, but I have never acted like a whore. So it is beyond me why a random penis-lover would want to pick me up as a replacement to his electronic dildo. I don’t know who you are, but it doesn’t matter, tell me if you think I look like slut. Here’s the sexiest picture of mine.

This is from the time Isha asked me to look sexy

Actually you know what, don’t answer that.

Why Don’t You Write?

“Why don’t you write?” is one question people ask me too often.

However, it is not the most-frequent question that I am asked. That one would be “Why is your nose broken?”

Honestly, I would love answering the latter than the former, because my nose broke in a definite accident and since it is a true story, I don’t have to alter the facts while narrating the incident. The question about writing can, however, be a bit tricky because there are numerous reasons why I am not able to write and so, if I tell two different reasons to the same person on two different occasions, which by the way also underlines what nosy pricks I deal with who keep asking me the same question more than once, they’re like, “No! Last time you said you’re not writing because the job takes too much of your energy. How can you now possibly say that it’s your girlfriend?”

Talking about my girlfriend, if I was in the Marvel universe and also half-witted, I would have been Captain America and my girlfriend would have been my shield, because that’s how it works in this universe too. I hide behind her every time I see that I am in an awkward situation. Like giving her the phone after saying “Happy birthday” to someone because I don’t like the awkward pause that follows. This is just an example. My girlfriend helps me in grave situations too, like helping me open the ketchup sachets when we go to KFC, thereby preventing my possible projection as a pussy in the view of other KFC customers and employees. If you’re a Marvel fan, you’re probably still wondering why I used the word half-witted to mention my existence in the Marvel universe. The reason, dear Avenger, is that if I had brains, I would rather blow them out than living with them in the Marvel universe, which also goes on to say, I hate Marvel (except Deadpool because I have a cool Deadpool t-shirt) and if you’re a Marvel fan, you’re not welcome on this blog, unless you’re a super hot woman. Then that’s okay.

Now that all the non-attractive Marvel fans are gone, let me tell you more about how it annoys me when people ask me why don’t I write? I mean, it’s not like I don’t want to. All of my time back at my apartment is equally divided between trying to write and lying naked on the bed looking at the ceiling while potentially avoiding going on my room-mates side of the bed because he also sleeps half-naked and I don’t want that indirect contact between our bodies, because that would be gay. And while lying like that too, I keep thinking about writing. So when, someone says that I am not taking enough efforts, I wonder if somewhere, I am going wrong.

The other day, my office colleague Priyanka said, “If you don’t know what to write about, why don’t you write about how you don’t know what to write about?” (in all honesty, this isn’t verbatim because I don’t see her as someone who would be able to construct a sentence as complex as that, unless she is high on LSD and her mind has expanded, which is again, something I don’t see happening). Writing about how I cannot write is the bitchiest thing I could do, but I didn’t say that in her face because it would have been rude, plus the conversation happened in the office pantry where she was making me tea. Wouldn’t want to lose that. Another time, a girl I met in a wedding and whom I barely knew, asked me why wasn’t I writing these days, after I had just told a friend about how I was not writing these days and she just sort of happened to be standing in a circle with us, holding her drink because she had no one else to talk to. If the lonely bitch wanted to get in my pants, that was the stupidest line she could use because that night, she did not get in my pants. Actually no one has ever, which makes me wonder if I am ungettable or unfuckable?

Back to the writing problem though, it’s not like I am not trying. I probably only need to keep my eyes open and use everything that happens to me as a resource. Because there will be plenty of subjects to write about. There’s literally a million things that happen to me every day. I probably just need to figure out what is writable, and then have the guts to put it up here. I began writing this just to vent, but it kind of makes me feel good now.

I also realize that if writing about people asking me why I don’t write has made me write so much, I can write about other stuff too, right? So stay tuned. Or don’t. That’s just a shitty radio-line I felt like using. Ignore it.